Dear Self,

As "we" are definitely a Gemini, debating, conversations with ourself, even arguments are definitely a common occurrence but this is where I draw the line and feel that it's time to go over some of our previously established guidelines.

1) The only alarm that should be going off at 5:30 in the morning is some sort of alarm warning of impending doom, NOT one designed to wake us from a peaceful slumber. We are not now, never have been nor ever will be a morning person in any way, shape or form. Yes, a beautiful sunrise and birds chirping are things of wonder but couldn't they occur after 8 a.m.?

2) Said alarm should never EVER be heard on a Monday.

3) Body parts should never be expected to bend or hold in extremely uncomfortable positions for varying lengths of time before noon on any given day.

4) Partaking in a fitness class that's described as Intermediate to Advanced level AND being taught by an extremely perky, obvious morning person is just cruel.

5) Don't take it personally when said fitness instructor says "work those hams!" She's referring to the hamstrings, not that thing resembling 2 small hams you call an ass!

6) We don't like to sweat first thing in the morning...EVER...not for ANY form of exercise (if you get my meaning!).

Love,
Me.



Dear Me,

Until said time when we actually *are* 5 months pregnant again or become 5 foot 11, we will be endeavouring to become the weight of a woman whose BMI falls within the safe zone of someone who's 5 foot 9 and NOT pregnant!

Love,
Self